An Update on the School Form

The email I sent to the pre-K office:

Hi Ms. *****,

I registered my son this morning for pre-K at **** Elementary.  I have a question/concern about one of the forms I filled out for him.

One of the very first forms asked what adults and children lived in the household, and how the children were related to the adults in question.  The choices were Natural, Foster, Relative.  I raised a concern there because my son was internationally adopted at age 2 and therefore does not fit any of those descriptors.  I was advised by a staff member to put Foster for the sake of the form, since "natural" was to be used to describe biological children. As an adoptive parent,  I feel like I should let you know the term "natural" is outdated and offensive, because it implies my adoptive children are somehow "unnatural." I am positive that [your school district] and your office do not mean that in that way, so I would like to encourage you to change the term from "natural" to "biological." It would be more accurate.  I also believe it would be wise to add "adoptive" as an option. My son has never been part of the foster system. I do not want that on his record or any form whatsoever. I did write in "adoptive" and also selected "foster" due to the direction of the staff member.  But as his information gets put into digital format, there is no way I want him labeled in ANY way as foster.  He is my legal son and I am his legal mother, and my name is listed on his birth certificate.  I would not hesitate to say that he is more my "natural" son than my "foster" son.  But if the question is, did I birth him? Then I would say, no, he is not my biological son. 

Please make the appropriate changes to his file. Also, I would ask you to please consider changing the form to better give families the opportunity to describe themselves.  Adding the "adoptive" option would be appreciated, or leaving the question open-ended may serve the purpose as well.

Thanks so much for your time and consideration.

And the response that came within the hour:

Thank you for sharing your concerns. It is certainly not our intention to offend in any way and apologize for doing so. We appreciate the feedback and will consider your recommendations. One of our specialist will contact you to provide more details as to how this can be resolved.  
We appreciate your interest in Pre-K and look forward to a great start.  

I also had a voicemail from the same lady who registered our documents that morning within the hour of sending that email. When I called her back (on her cell phone number!) she diligently changed Josiah's status (and Ella's too) in the system to "natural." I explained to her that as I had more time to think about it since coming home, natural is more accurate because in the eyes of the law he is identical to any biological child I may have. She was happy to honor my request and said I was not the first person who has brought up an issue with the form. She would pass along the request for form changes to the next person up.

Now, will the form change? I don't know. I hope so. But perhaps even one person's heart and mind was opened a little wider that day. I was thankful she was so kind and willing to listen to my requests. I know better now that is okay to challenge the system when it is wrong, but I always want to make sure I am doing it in respectful way, as I am representing my Jesus and adoptive families. Don't want to give either a bad name.

A friend sent me this picture from a school district in her state.





I'm challenged to "fight the good fight," as she said!