You Know You Have a Lot of Kids When...

I can't wait to add to this hilarious list as they happen. Because this is my real life.

If you have any to add, please share!!

You know you have a lot of kids when you can not participate in car pool or take any friends anywhere because your Suburban is full of installed car seats with children strapped in.

You know you have a lot of kids when it is best for you to grocery shop at a restaurant depot. Y'all. I'm not even talking Costco. An actual place where restaurants buy their food in bulk. (Seriously-price per frozen waffle is the best!)

You know you have a lot of kids when you make toast for breakfast and it uses an entire loaf.

You know you have a lot of kids when you have too much laundry to have one laundry day. Like you could sit at your washer and dryer all day long and still not get it done.

You know you have a lot of kids when you visit a zoo or museum once and it is more cost efficient to buy an annual membership. So you do - even if it is in another city.

You know you have a lot of kids when you walk into a restaurant on kids eat free night and the workers roll their eyes because they know they are losing so much money on you.

You know you have a lot of kids when the fewest number of people who share a room is 2. Ever. Until someone goes to college.

Please don't mention college. Or cars. Of weddings.

You know you have a lot of kids when you ONLY have to take 3 kids with you to the store.

You know you have a lot of kids when your friends can't remember all your kids' names. - Tina

You know you have a lot of kids when you are considering getting a different vehicle and the number of people it seats is the single most narrowing factor. (Need an 8 seater.)

You know you have a lot of kids when you go to eat at a restaurant with other adults and the waiter can't figure out who to give the kids' check to and then you take them all and his eyes nearly bug out of his head. 

You know you have a lot of kids when you consider getting two babysitters instead of one. 

You know you have a lot of kids when you make two pans of food for dinner and there are no leftovers. (Oh I can't imagine when these kids get older how I will keep them fed....)

You know you have a lot of kids when multiple children are due for check ups but you can't take them all at the same time because you have more than the office limit of family visits at one time. 

You know you have a lot of kids when you are introducing your family and the single most popular FIRST comment is, "You have your hands full!"

You know you have a lot of kids when you wish you would have taken some notes from the Duggars from "19 Kids and Counting" because that mama knows some things! - Blair

You know you have a lot of kids when you realize you really only need one more family your size to qualify for "group rates" on tickets. 

You know you have a lot of kids when you think about the future and notice if all your children follow in your footsteps you could have over TWO DOZEN grandchildren. Ay yi yi. 

Any more?




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Baby update: 4 months

Four months! Holy cow! What a month it's been for Ben. He is SO much fun. I do not remember having fun at this point yet with the twins. :) I feel like I have a little buddy! He is a lot of work and makes the routine with the older 4 off a bit (just keeping it real so you don't think I'm saying it is easy) but man, I sure do love and like this kid.
He has had a BIG month. He's learned a lot, changed a lot, grown a lot.
Ben, at 4 months, you:
-weigh 15 lbs, 3 oz and are 24.5 inches long (almost 3.5 lbs since your 2 month appointment and that's in the same month you had surgery!) about 50th percentile for both height and weight
-slept through the night once (two nights ago) so I am hoping we are turning a corner!!
-laugh and smile freely
-like your ribs tickled
-enjoy patty cake
-now think bath time is fun!
-don't sleep as long in the car seat (booooooooo)
-have done SO MUCH BETTER with your 45 minute naps. Oh my. But we cheated and you nap in your rock and play in our closet where it is pitch dark. But whatever. You are napping.
-had your lip and gum repair! You also got ear tubes and the surgeon started working on that bottom lip. There is a lot of work to go but you are strong and amazing! We spent one night in the hospital and recovery was about 10 days after that before I felt like we turned a corner back to pre-surgery Ben. But obviously since you have gained weight in the three weeks since surgery, mouth surgery can not hold you down!
-have the most squishiest cheeks on the planet.
-rolled belly to back for the first time on 5/14. You aren't far from back to belly.
-for whatever reason, you can't hold your pacifier in as well as pre-lip repair. I don't know if your muscles are still weak or what. So you chew on other things to soothe. You like your little Mickey lovey ear. I'm trying to encourage your hands but you aren't agreeing yet.
-whenever you start to seem dissatisfied with formula alone, your doctor said you could start cereal. We are not in a hurry but know it's coming!
-do not like loud, startling noises. But you can handle noise/chaos. Such is life.

The morning of surgery : last pic with a cleft lip!




Our sweet boy with his new mouth after surgery




Wearing his no-nos! (To keep his hands out of his mouth)




Hanging with Ella at her soccer game




Starting to enjoy bath time




These two. Oh my.




Kate even sometime shares her beloved Bunny with Ben.




Trying out the next hold in the Ergo! (Not a newborn anymore. Sniff.)




Talking to the man in the mirror...




Oh Mickey!




Mama is a bit picture happy because he is so dang sweet! And I'm proud of him.
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End of an Era

Last night we officially changed over the kids' bedrooms. Kate and Spencer have shared a bedroom (and sometimes a bed) since day 1, save for a handful of times when we are out of town or one of them is somewhere else. 

It's just how it's been. 

But it was time to change things up. It was time to move the girls (ages 7 and 5) together and the boys (ages 5 and 3) together. It was time for Ella to be with a girl instead of her youngest brother. No one has ever complained about room assignments; all they basically do is sleep in there. The rest of the time they are bouncing between rooms and the playroom anyway. We wanted it to be a big deal: to decorate and paint and do bunk beds. But alas, being a grown up with real grown up expenses stinks and those extras will just have to wait. 

Of course, Mommy was the saddest of all. I don't know. It seems like the first step in losing that special twinbond. I know it's best but I'm still sad because I am a giant sap, okay?

So because I am a sap and I want to torture myself, here is a little tribute to Kate and Spencer sharing a room over the last 5.5 years. 

 

Getting their room ready. (About 25 weeks pregnant here) (so if you count pregnancy it's been 6 years! I'm a dork.)

 

Their first room ready for them

2 weeks before they were born. See they even shared a womb. Can't get much more "sharing a room from Day 1" than that!! (Sharing a 'womb' from day 1! Hahahahahaha! Get it?)

Only a mere few weeks old. Oh, my ovaries are hurting and I even have a tiny baby at home right now. 

When they got promoted to big kid beds. 

A little light reading in their big kid beds. (2 years old)

The night before their third birthday. 

They really got on a kick around age 3 about sleeping together. 

I am going to go sit in a corner and cry now. 

When I Should Stop and Listen to Myself

So, my husband joked that for Mother's Day he got me a hernia surgery.  And we only laughed for a few seconds, because there was a shred of truth there. A hernia surgery allowed made me lay in bed for 3 straight days watching Chicago PD (I'm all caught up now) and reading two books and napping.  It wasn't all rainbows and unicorns (the pain is comparable to a c-section and did you know you use your core muscles for everything?? so stuff like vomiting, coughing, rolling over in bed...yeah.  Ouch.)

Anywho, I'm not sure what happened, but instead of invigorating me and feeling rested and a welcome break from the chaos my five children bring, I instead have been feeling a heavy pit of discouragement in the depths of my being.  These pits come around every so often.  They are marked by seasons where everything seems like a struggle - like normal, everyday things.  I wonder, I question, I beg, I plead...when will a sweet season come? When? It has felt like "survival" for so long, and I am ready to LIVE.

I cried out to the Lord, I cried out to my husband, and then the latter sent me to bed for the remainder of the night because I still felt like crap and that probably had the majority to do with my despair.  And I woke this morning to a text from one of my dearest friends who is just in the middle of dealing with some tough stuff.  And honestly, it's been tough for a while.  Really, tough doesn't even begin to describe it but it's not my story to tell. But she is in a place I know well, even if our paths to get us there are different, and she is just surviving.  Barely, it seems, some days.  But she longs to not just survive but to LIVE.

I am not one to retort cliches to my people when the tough crap comes. I have had that dealt my way many times and I know that even though others mean well, it falls in awkward ways on a weary and hurting soul.  So instead I blab on about tattoos and dried worms and then in the midst remind her she is awesome and brave and never ever alone.  She is allowed to feel all her feels and be afraid and not understand and tell God how freaking mad she is.  That is okay.  I have learned He can handle all that.  He can handle all our feels (have you read the Psalms?) and encourages us to feel all our feels right out at the foot of the very cross that defeated sin and death.  I tell her Jesus isn't going anywhere. He is making her brave by her choosing to breathe in and out.  Because there is always a choice.  It is brave to trust Christ when crap just doesn't make sense.  That is the very Spirit of God, being brave in us and for us. The easy thing would be to quit. To give up following Him.  To throw in the towel and rely on yourself and just make it through each day.  The brave thing is to allow God to live and move and have His being in you when the stuff hits the fan and you can not see the next step.

And then.  As I am speaking all that truth to her.  I hear it.  So very quiet and still in my own heart.

I should listen to myself.

Not 12 hours before, I poured my tears out over an issue I have cried over countless times.  Something I have zero control over, but I work and fight and agonize like it's all up to me.  But no matter how hard I try, I can not control the outcome.  And I just wish it were different. Plain and simple.  Sometimes I am mad at how it is turning out.  Sometimes I want to quit and walk away from parts of my life that requires me to be poured out so much.  It requires so much more of me than I actually have to give and since I can not see the next step, survival is all I can do at times.  But when the bible talks of peace, and abundant life, and joy everlasting I wonder, "What am I doing wrong?"  Then, today, in the midst of my precious friend's hurt, as I hurt right along with her, I believe with every ounce of my being that God has not left her.  He is not punishing her because that is not in line with His character.  He is a good God who loves completely. He is able to heal her sorrows and bring joy in the morning.  He is able.  I want her to know that she is never ever alone, because He isn't going anywhere.  And I want to encourage her to hold on to a living hope - one that is not dead - a Hope that is alive and kicking and fighting for her because she is precious and her story is beautiful.

And if I truly believe that for her, can't I also believe it for myself?

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the warriors out there : moms working hard in the daily grind thinking no ones sees, moms fighting for their kids, moms aching for their babies waiting for them in heaven, moms longing for their babies across the ocean, and moms-to-be that aren't yet though wish they were.

Today I am extraordinarily thankful for my own mom and mother-in-law; surely I wouldn't have these blessings today if it weren't for those two women and the generations before them.

I am thankful for the man who has made me a mama and walks this crazy life with me day in and day out, who encourages me when I am sure I am doing it all wrong, who loves me in spite of my mistakes, and who will be by my side all our days together on this earth.

And for these five youngins, who say "Mommy," more times a day than I can count, who ask questions until I think my brain might explode, who make sure someone is having a crisis daily. To these five who remind me of God's never-ending and unexplainable grace, who forgive me when I mess up yet again, who keep me in the grips of my sovereign Father.


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RIP to Our Pet

Many moms are familiar with the sentence I heard from my five year old son the other day, "Mom, I found a pet." The surprise comes in what kind of pet.

During our Derby party, the kids are playing outside with some of our friends. Spencer comes in the house requesting a cup because he had found a new pet. He had picked up a roly poly outside and wanted a home for it.



Well, the next thing I know, my most tender-hearted child is running inside and his face is all red and splotchy from crying. "Spencer! What happened?!"

"My roly poly is dead!"

Oh.

You know how living things need food and water? Well, Spencer knows that fact too and added it a little bit of water to the cup. Enough that the roly poly drowned.

So here we are, wrapping up our Derby party with about 10–12 people and he is terribly upset because he unintentionally drowned the first living thing he tried to care for on his own.

And naturally, because this is how it goes, as he hands me the cup so I can inspect it, I drop it on the floor and this poor bug tumbles across the kitchen floor.

Quickly I push the bug back into the cup before my already upset son realizes what just happened. What's the next logical step when your itty bitty pet dies?

Of course. A memorial service.

I ask Spencer where he wants to lay his roly poly to rest. "I think Daddy's grill is just the place!" So cremation, huh?

"Spencer, I don't think the grill is a good place to put your beloved roly poly in a plastic cup. It will burn and melt."

"No! I will remember and we will move it before Daddy grills next time!"

In the end, Mom's authority won out and we decided the roly poly would be better suite to the grass. Next to the porch where the grill is. :) with two sticks in the shape of a cross and a little roly poly in the grass.

Two days later, Spencer comes running to me. "Mom!! My roly poly is not dead anymore! He isn't where we left him!"

So, a lesson: a quarter inch roly poly lying in the grass is hard to find a few days later and then your son believes Jesus is not the only one who resurrected and walked away.



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An Update on the School Form

The email I sent to the pre-K office:

Hi Ms. *****,

I registered my son this morning for pre-K at **** Elementary.  I have a question/concern about one of the forms I filled out for him.

One of the very first forms asked what adults and children lived in the household, and how the children were related to the adults in question.  The choices were Natural, Foster, Relative.  I raised a concern there because my son was internationally adopted at age 2 and therefore does not fit any of those descriptors.  I was advised by a staff member to put Foster for the sake of the form, since "natural" was to be used to describe biological children. As an adoptive parent,  I feel like I should let you know the term "natural" is outdated and offensive, because it implies my adoptive children are somehow "unnatural." I am positive that [your school district] and your office do not mean that in that way, so I would like to encourage you to change the term from "natural" to "biological." It would be more accurate.  I also believe it would be wise to add "adoptive" as an option. My son has never been part of the foster system. I do not want that on his record or any form whatsoever. I did write in "adoptive" and also selected "foster" due to the direction of the staff member.  But as his information gets put into digital format, there is no way I want him labeled in ANY way as foster.  He is my legal son and I am his legal mother, and my name is listed on his birth certificate.  I would not hesitate to say that he is more my "natural" son than my "foster" son.  But if the question is, did I birth him? Then I would say, no, he is not my biological son. 

Please make the appropriate changes to his file. Also, I would ask you to please consider changing the form to better give families the opportunity to describe themselves.  Adding the "adoptive" option would be appreciated, or leaving the question open-ended may serve the purpose as well.

Thanks so much for your time and consideration.

And the response that came within the hour:

Thank you for sharing your concerns. It is certainly not our intention to offend in any way and apologize for doing so. We appreciate the feedback and will consider your recommendations. One of our specialist will contact you to provide more details as to how this can be resolved.  
We appreciate your interest in Pre-K and look forward to a great start.  

I also had a voicemail from the same lady who registered our documents that morning within the hour of sending that email. When I called her back (on her cell phone number!) she diligently changed Josiah's status (and Ella's too) in the system to "natural." I explained to her that as I had more time to think about it since coming home, natural is more accurate because in the eyes of the law he is identical to any biological child I may have. She was happy to honor my request and said I was not the first person who has brought up an issue with the form. She would pass along the request for form changes to the next person up.

Now, will the form change? I don't know. I hope so. But perhaps even one person's heart and mind was opened a little wider that day. I was thankful she was so kind and willing to listen to my requests. I know better now that is okay to challenge the system when it is wrong, but I always want to make sure I am doing it in respectful way, as I am representing my Jesus and adoptive families. Don't want to give either a bad name.

A friend sent me this picture from a school district in her state.





I'm challenged to "fight the good fight," as she said!

I Can't Check Any of These

Today I went to register Josiah for 4 year old Pre-K next year.  Unfortunately we did not get into our first choice (remember my letter to March when I said we received a letter he didn't get in and then a call that said he did and I cried happy tears and then another call that said just kidding, that was a mistake? Yeah.) Since then we have been trying to decide what the best second option was and we finally made a decision. So he will be attending public school pre-k, which is five days a week.  Which means it will be me and a baby during the day come August.  In case you don't understand the significance of this...I've never had just one kid at home with me!

The process of getting him registered included me bringing in 5 or 6 important documents and then sitting at a table for LITERALLY AN HOUR and filling out paperwork.  Actually 24 documents.  I had to fill out t-w-e-n-t-y-f-o-u-r pieces of paper.  That is a lot of times writing my name and his name and our address and everything he eats and his developmental skills and my husband's work number, etc.

One of the first pieces was just a general info sheet.  Part of that was listing everyone that lived in our home. (FYI: when you have five children, there are never enough spots on the "children/siblings" portion.) I had to list how each of the children in our home were related to us.  There were three choices (and I quote): N=Natural, F=Foster, R=Relative.

This is all fine and good.  I understand why a school system would want to know how each of the children living in a home are related to the adults living there.  In a city as large as this and in 2014, families are created a million different ways.  Homes are blended and mixed and people come to live together for a variety of reasons.  The school should know these things.  But, my friends, we don't fit any of these boxes.

Let's address this two part problem.
1. "Natural" - I'm sorry, do you mean "biological?" Because that is the accurate term.  All my children are "natural," meaning they are HUMAN. Birthed from a HUMAN. Not created in any "unnatural" way.  But you want to know if they are birthed from me? Then yes, "biological" is what you are looking for.

2. Where is "Adoptive" as an option???? - This one I just don't understand. It's a glaring, big fat hole. When I called the lady over to ask this OBVIOUS question, she said, "Oh, Natural is birthed. So you would put Foster."

Whoa, nelly. Slow that train right down.

"No. He's not my foster son.  He is my legal son.  I am his legal mother. Here is MY NAME on his birth certificate. There should be an A=Adoptive option. Can I write that in?"

"No, for the sake of this form you would put Foster," said the representative. "I understand your offense to that term because I have a heart for adoption. But here, since you did not birth him, you would write Foster."

I asked if I could write in Adoptive.  She said not for this form.  But it's no big deal, she said.

BUT IT'S NOT TRUE. For the sake of accuracy, "natural" is a better fit and more true than "foster." He is not and has not ever been under the care of the state.  They do not have authority over him. His legal and true parents do. Which would be Stuart and myself.

So...because I am a rule follower and rarely challenge authority (yeah, yeah) I wrote F and then wrote ADOPTIVE in the box. But now, several hours later, I feel like I need to address this further.  I need to contact the office and let them know it's time for changes. The form needs to be updated. Most likely, many people don't have any issue with the form.  But as an adoptive mother, I seriously do.  I do not want his information recorded in a computer system with "Foster." He has never been part of the foster system. Ever. He has a legal and forever family. Document that.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes down as I address the largest school district in the state and try to get them to change their paperwork.......ack!