I Feeled God

We were sitting at the dinner table last week when all of a sudden Kate stops and very dramatically proclaims: "MOMMY. I feeled Jesus."

I'm sorry. What?

"I FEELED GOD. Right here next to me. I just reached out and feeled His belly."

And Josiah, a 3 year old boy of few (coherent) words, looks at me with his eyes bugged out and says, "That's not good."

It got me to thinking.  WHAT IF WE COULD REACH OUT AND TOUCH JESUS ANYTIME WE WANTED? Like, tangibly feel his skin on our fingertips.

Ahhhhh.  I wish.

Christian, have you ever had a dry spell? Like where it felt like your prayers were falling on deaf ears? You wondered if God even heard you at all?  Did He fall asleep listening to you whine and pout? Did He walk away to deal with others with more "pressing" issues? You longed to lift up your hands in worship but you just weren't...feeling it?

No? Just me then? Okay.

I worked at a Christian summer camp for two summers in college as a bible study and recreation leader.  It was so much fun and a crazy cool job and changed my ever-lovin' life.  Seriously.  God was moving and shaking and wrecking kids' worlds (and staffers too!) and I had front row seats to it all.  But there was a period of time when I just didn't FEEL Jesus.  I knew He was there - crap, there was testimony that was undeniable in so many lives - but for me personally, the emotional feeling was missing.  I was able to sit in powerful worship services every.single.night. and not feel Him.  I prayed and prayed for Him to show up REAL in my life.  Like, if I could reach out and feel His belly, that'd be great.

Weeks and weeks went by. Nothing.  I clung to my bible, reading through Jeremiah, trusting this season would end and on the other side, I would feel Him again.  And you know what, I did.

In the 10+ years since that summer, there have many seasons where God is so real and tangible and my heart is stirring and my faith is strong and the tears flow in response.  And then there are seasons where all I can do is trust that His word is true and put one foot in front of the other in faith, and in faith alone.  My emotions, or my feelings, do not change His presence in my life. His intimate, never-ceasing, completely enveloping presence in my life.  He is there, all the time, whether my emotions agree or not.

I pray I can believe that today.  I pray it for you as well.