Why Halloween Lasted Two Weeks

(Wrote this post a few weeks ago but never could get the pics to line up right with text.  That's why it's late. So maybe I should change the title to Why Halloween Lasted Four Weeks since that's what it took me to blog about it.)

It's officially November. Which in my mind kicks off Christmas season, but my husband is more of the "wait until the day after Thanksgiving" variety. Marriage is compromise. But I digress. It means Halloween is over. But this year, more than any other, I feel like it we have celebrated this holiday approximately nine zillion times.  Halloween with small kids is basically playing dress up and eating junky food. Which to my crew (and I'm sure to yours) is a summary of the best day ever.

So instead of doing a post for each event, I invite to this photo summary of "Why Halloween LastedTwo Weeks."

Right after Fall Break (in Florida) we took a little trip to a pumpkin patch. Aunt Sarah was still with us (that pic was on here - and it mysteriously disappeared) and we had fun with face painting, a hayride, pony rides (now my boys have officially ridden a horse more times than I have, because I never have), and I scared my kids pretty good in the corn maze.  But it was cold and the day before we were in 90 degree weather. *Sigh

Then we had a little neighborhood pumpkin party with fun Halloween food, costumes, and pumpkin panting. Spencer worked on his ninja kicking with his 9 year love interest.  (Seriously. He loves her. It scares me how charming and knowledgeable he is.  Supposedly he is going to marry her.)

We also trick-or-treated at the zoo.  Any excuse to wear costumes and get candy.

The day before Halloween my littles enjoyed Halloween storytime.

We carved our family pumpkins. Ella is basically making the best face ever here.

I went to the preschool Halloween party, which was a craft, pumpkin picking, and food.  I didn't get to go to Ella's school party because they limit the parents that come to the 4 volunteers.  

I had this genius idea at like 8 pm on Oct 30 to make a Halloween shirt.  My kids were distraught I did not have a costume, so this was my solution. They loved it, and I did too. The shirt was already in my closet.  

Reservoir Church (our church plant) hosted a block party on Halloween night to provide a place for food and rest during trick or treating.  We ended up serving about 200 people chili, popcorn, cotton candy, and lemonade and letting them know about Reservoir Church. Gave out all the food we had.  'Twas fun and very, very tiring.  (I also took our kids around trick or treating in the neighborhood.)

It was fun! 

Little by Little

I just love the image of victory God is setting up all through the pages of Deuteronomy. The promise of the land He has set aside for His people, if only Israel would be follow God's commands. He has great things in store for them, beyond what they could imagine for themselves. That same great promise is still available to those to us today who trust and know Jesus. But it is not just about obeying God's law, for in and of ourselves we can not do that. That is why the debt has been paid for us, the price our natural disobedience has cost. Jesus paid for it with His blood, that we might be reconciled with God and inherit His beautiful promises for eternity.

The Israelites have been told they will have to conquer some nations as they make their way to the Promised Land. But, just like we do every day, Israel, God's chosen people, doubt. They fear. And understandably so, in my opinion. They are walking purely by faith, into lands unknown, into trials that are frightening, and they are human. Deuteronomy 7:17 helps us see their fears expressed. "...you say in your heart, 'These nations are greater than I. How can I dispossess them?' " Moses has a solution for this fearful people.

REMEMBER.

"You shall not be afraid of them but you shall remember what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all of Egypt, the great trials your eyes saw, the signs, the wonders, the mighty hand and the outstretched arm, by which the Lord your God brought you out. So will the Lord your God do to all the peoples of whom you are afraid." (v. 18-19)

Call to mind His wonders and signs. Remember how you have already seen the Lord work. Recall His power shown in your life.

"Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." (Lamentations 3:19-25)

Israel is challenged to not be afraid, for God is in their midst (Deut. 7:21). Right in the smack dab middle of them! This isn't just some God who sits on high laying down smackdowns but not really involved. No. Their God, and our God also, promises to "love you, bless you, and multiply you" (v.13) and will keep them with the covenant and steadfast love He swore to their fathers (v.12). He is right there with them. A great and awesome God!

And then, to further address their fear: "The Lord your God will clear away these nations little by little." (v. 22)

Oh how this speaks REAL LIFE to me.

I remember those things of which I have been afraid. I know the ones that I am afraid of now, that so quickly have the power to paralyze me. God does not just take those things away. He doesn't just NOT make us walk through those fires. Sometimes in His sovereignty and grace He does. But in that same sovereign grace, God often makes us face those big, strong, terrifying, looming nations head on. (Can I get an Amen here? Anyone know what I am talking about?) I have flat out walked through things that I said were among my biggest fears. Those fears that cripple us. He makes - allows - us to walk there.

But here is the hope, that little by little He will clear away those nations. I am walking there now. Making baby steps of progress through the wilderness, sometimes seeing God provide victory over another nation and then sometimes falling to my knees as I see another one ready to fight right in front of me, knowing that in my own strength I do not have the fight in me. But He has brought me to each place and I am instructed to take each step as they come, little by little. He surely can do big miracles but often, victory will come in small doses.

But God will give them over to you until they are destroyed (v.23)
He will give their kings into your hand (v.24)
No one will be able to stand against you (v. 24)

Victory is promised, and it is coming.

Loss

Ella had a milestone yesterday.

She attended her first "friend" birthday party.

We have had other birthday parties for friends...but those have all been family events. Like our whole family was invited. This was for a girl in her class, and it was at a roller skating rink. So we made a personalized water bottle, and I took her and she carried that gift right in! (As we left a very very sad Kate behind at home. It was a first for her too - watching her big sister go to a party without her.)

She did great. I was a *little* more involved than I imagined - I mean, she needed help skating and playing arcade games and all that jazz. But I helped her make her way through the social ropes and she was polite and kind and even attempted to laugh at herself when she fell down one million times. (Oh, skating.)

No, I didn't skate. If you know me from my youth, you may remember that I spent quite the few Saturday nights at ol' Champs Skating Rink. And quite a few dollars. And I had to call my parents at 12:00 to wake them up to remind them to pick us up at 12:30. And sometimes we got to go to Perkins Pancake house afterwards. But I digress. The party took me on a little trip down memory lane.

Anyway, a few of her friends from her class were there and one little girl just so nonchalantly asked me some adoption-related questions. While my six-and-a-half-month-pregnant self is trying to keep my kid from busting her hiney in the smack middle of this skating rink. "Are you her mom? Like were you her mom in Africa? So does she have 2 moms?"

Ugh. These questions are so, so hard.

I don't mind kids asking questions. I would rather a kid ask and know the truth than make assumptions and end up saying something unkind. But every time someone asks, and Ella is standing right there, I just wonder. I wonder if it burns in her heart as she remembers her first mama. The one that loved and cared for her the best way she knew how. I wonder if she misses her. I wonder if she longs for her. I wonder if she wants someone to ask or if she just wants to be the same as every other kid. I want to do right by her.

"I am her real mom." I said it about nine hundred times.

I want her, and the world, to know that a "real mom" is the one that kisses boo boos and cooks dinner at night and takes her to the doctor and sings the song and checks the homework folder. A real mom is the one who sits her booty on the steps when she is out of line and makes sure she brushes her teeth and listens when a kid is being mean at school. A real mom goes to the teacher conferences and shares funny stories about what she says. A real mom does not have to look the same or sound the same or even have the same color skin.

She has experienced so much loss. Just an innocent question from a curious six year old sobers me up and reminds of that in the middle of a skating rink with airbrushed graffiti on the walls. More loss than most of us will ever know in our entire lifetime.

I am still trying to figure out exactly what I want my answers to be to these questions. I am figuring that out by talking to her in the quiet and privacy of our own home, and I do not want to share that part of our conversation here. It is her story.

Questions are good. I would rather them come to just me but how do you do that when a kid is asking? I just do the best I can to be honest and truthful and respectful to Ella, who is always 3 inches away.

It never hurts to hear me claim her again. I am her real mom. Forever.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Down to One

Spencer had a post-op appointment with his plastic surgeon (from surgery this summer) and he is 4 hours away. We decided to head up a day early to visit with some of our best friends that are fresh off the plane from bringing their precious girl home from the DRC and squeeze in other fun things.

It was just me and Spencer, since Stuart stayed home and worked from home and Ella had school. When you are one of four kids and you go on a trip with just mom, you get things that don't ever happen in real life. Here are some little things that were unique to our mommy-son adventure this weekend.

1. You get your own miniature cup of milk at Starbucks because Mommy feels confident enough to stop and meet a friend there and GO INSIDE. You also get a cake pop. Never would happen if all 4 kids were there.



2. When you take a bath before church (IN A BATHTUB ALONE) and you are cold afterwards, your Aunt Mimi volunteers to blow dry your hair.


3. You get the iPad. With headphones. Basically anytime you want because Mom is so strict with the one iPad the rest of your normal life because that always results in a fight.


4. You go to breakfast with Mom and Aunt Mimi and Mom lets you pick two goodies AND chocolate milk. Life is good.



5. You get to choose whether you want to go to your class or big church with Mommy and Aunt Mimi. Because the child:adult ratio is in the big people's favor.


6. You go to Dinosaur Train Live! with Mommy and two special friends and MOM BUYS YOU A LIGHT UP WAND (that proceeded to bust as soon as you accidentally dropped it on the ground. What the heck?! A little more durable, people.)


7. When you are super grumpy at a restaurant, your Uncle Winston fork feeds you because you are too pitiful to eat on your own. That's probably because you are so tired because your mom overestimated all the fun things you can do when there is only one of you. :)


8. At the doctor's office, mom spins you as much as you want in the doctor's chair while you wait.


9. You go to Target JUST to browse the toy aisle.


Other fun things not pictured that happen when you are one of four and then it's just one kid:
10. you share a bed with mom
11. you get a happy meal
12. you go to bed an hour late and mom is not frazzled
13. You have two pieces of Halloween candy at 8 am. (WHO AM I??)

It was fun to do some special things with him that we don't usually get to enjoy other times, and he kept saying, "I'm having fun with you Mommy!" And it was also sweet to hear him say, "I miss my friends," (meaning his family) and then see them run up and hug and be reunited after 2 days apart.

A fun trip, a good report from the surgeon, kicking mommy all night long, and traveling time zones while also do the time change equals this.



(P.S. Yes, that is a crib next to him. Bringing that back to set up for baby. The first thing we have remotely done to get ready for him, even though he is coming in less than 3 months and we have 2 holidays, an anniversary, and 2 kids' birthdays before he comes. Better get busy.)

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The Myth of the Rainbow Fruit Kebabs

For whatever reason, I volunteered to bring the "healthy snack" for my daughter's first grade class today, the day after Halloween.

The day after my family was throwing a Halloween block party for our neighborhood, reaching out again to let people know of our church plant.

The morning after I spent the past 48 hours dicing cooked hamburger patties, preparing 5 pots of chili, several gallons of lemonade, attended a preschool party for my 3 littles, decided to make myself a Halloween shirt, dressed my kids in costumes 3 times, walked my hilly neighborhood trick or treating with my four children, all while six months pregnant.

But look at them, aren't they cute? These and little mini pumpkin muffins were the perfect fall healthy snack, right?


If I would have posted just this picture on social media sites, all while a picture of my little maternity skeleton DIY shirt floated around (it was fun to wear that) and the news of the block party...or if this blog post ended now...what would you be tempted to think?

"Oh, I saw that on Pinterest!"
"Those are fun!"
"Man, how does she do it?"
"Where does she find the time or energy?"
"I can't believe she did that with 4 kids!"
"I wish I could do all that."
"Supermom."
"Ugh. I kinda hate her."

Okay. So let's get real.

I am a fool for volunteering to bring snack today. Just a little too much going on, ya know? I am exhausted. Like please do not make me sit down on the floor and play with my kids or read books because my back hurts too much exhausted. Yes the kebabs are cute but we ordered pizza for dinner and I actually didn't feed my littles lunch today because they ate donuts for breakfast at a friend's house and then I opened a carton of strawberries while they watched Veggie Tales while I closed my eyes during Josiah's nap. I was kind of a stressed mess during the block party because there were so many people and not enough help and my kids were just begging to go trick or treating but I couldn't leave my husband to do all the serving himself. I really got tired of them asking if they could have more candy because I knew it would just make them beasts later on. I was losing my patience with Josiah because his 3 year old selective hearing and clumsiness was just about to do this tired mama in. I was feeling discouraged that we were serving all these people chili and lemonade and cotton candy and the best candy and would they even come to bible study? Will our work and pouring out in every sense of the word ever come to fruition? And the rainbow kebabs were cute but then I felt bad when the teacher told me she had to reprimand kids for using the skewers as swords (what I was afraid of but it was easier than prepacking little cups of fruit and providing silverware).

When someone posts a cute Pinterest-y thing with their kids' latest craft or their clean house or their kids eating vegetables, where does it take you? To jealousy? To discontentment? To self-depracation? Does it make you want to pat her on the back as you realize she has different strengths and this whole mom thing is not a competition?

Because honestly, we all have some area of rainbow fruit kebabs. Something cutesy and fun and we put our best foot out there hoping someone will pat us on the back and tell us how awesome we are. Because so often we need someone else to tell us that because we don't do a good job of giving our own spirits an "atta girl." We forget that these little people were entrusted to us, that my children were entrusted to ME of all people, on purpose. God chose them for my offspring before the creation of the world. Yeah, I'm gonna botch it up. I'm going to lose my patience and have a messy house and say the wrong thing and cry in my bathroom. And yeah, I'm gonna post a picture of rainbow fruit kebabs and wait for people to tell me how cute they are so I can feel good again when really the hole in my heart needs to be filled by my Savior.

But in those moments of desiring to post the rainbow fruit kebabs, I strive to remember that there might be someone out there who sees the picture and it says more to her than "Oh, those are fun!" It might make her feel less than. Social media allows us to reveal our lives in snapshots of our choice. My life is not all rainbow fruit kebabs. Or happy well-behaved children. Or the beauty of former orphans being in a family. Yes, it is that. But it is also me yelling more often than I would like and declining to read that book right this minute and a sink full of dirty dishes and three baskets of laundry that haven't been folded in week, but now laundry day has come again. I do not want the pretty little highlights to remotely separate others from glimpsing the grace that God has spoken into my life on a daily basis. On the ways that I mess up and He draws me back to Himself each and every day. I don't want to push other people away because it appears like I have it all together. I'm an all-out mess. Ask those closest to me. I want to not be afraid to keep that mess [relatively] unhidden so I can freely admit I do not, in fact, have it all together. But I am a daughter of the One who holds the world in His very hands.

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Hello Third Trimester

Somehow, we are 2/3 of the way through this crazy journey called pregnancy. Holy cow. Crappola. What the heck. 

A little less than 3 months from our due date, and I am back to my major freaking out that I was doing at the very beginning. Like this thing might actually happen. 

We had an appointment this week which included the always enjoyable glucose test and a rhogam shot and an ultrasound. I have grown a lot in the past four weeks. Even though I am only 27 weeks I am measuring 33. I was headed to the perinatologist anyway so they were a little concerned. She said my fluid was on the tad side anyway but baby boy is only measuring 2 weeks ahead. The conversation turned to gestational diabetes. The perinatologist was convinced. But somehow, by the grace of God, I got a call the next day I passed. I guess right now we are just planning for a big baby?

All the Things

Chores.  Homework.  Bible teaching.  Scripture.  Heart lessons.  Healthy diet.  Giving grace.  Balance of fruit and vegetables.  Life giving words.  Reading time.  Consistent discipline. Identity formation.  Praying for them.  Praying with them.  Teaching them how to pray.  Independent skills. Bike riding.  Too much TV time.  Modeling healthy habits.  Modeling ministry and service. Money management.

These are all the things that I feel like I don't do well for my kids.  Is there any aspect of parenting left for me to succeed at?

Can any of you relate?

It's exhausting.

And in all actuality: how do I really know I am not doing these well? Most of the time it is because I have looked at someone else's life - mainly in the form of social media most likely - and said, "Welp. I don't do that.  They definitely have it more together than I do." As I heard somewhere, I am comparing their highlight reel to my outtakes.  Guess who wins that competition every single time? It's not me.

Why do I do that to myself?

I have this super awesome tendency to set absurdly high expectations for myself, which I never ever meet with perfection. So in my brain: not perfect = failure.

I do not have quite that exhaustive list of "areas for improvement" running through my brain every single day.  Sometimes I am content with where the Lord has brought me and my heart rests with the fact I know I am a work in progress and that is okay.

Then there are days like today when my kids can not clean the upstairs unless I stand there like a drill sergeant and there is marker on the carpet and no one will eat their delicious and healthy supper and they argue and use unkind voices and ALL THE THINGS.  What am I doing wrong?

Do you want me to tell you, friend, that you are not doing anything wrong?  That I'm not doing anything wrong? Sorry.  Don't think it will actually encourage you and let's be honest - it's not true.  Sometimes I get it wrong.

I am doing the best I can, most of the time.  Sometimes my best is pretty and sometimes it is u-g-l-y-you-ain't-got-no-abili-ugly. Some days I am just plain lazy and I don't give my kids 100% (or anything remotely close).  But even if I did, even if I gave the most excellent effort every minute of every day, would that guarantee a good outcome?  Would that promise my children salvation and good grades and hearts full of integrity and kind spirits and a fire for Jesus that burns inside their soul and they must share Him with the world? Would that guarantee college scholarships and no teenage pregnancies and purity until marriage and they all live happily ever after?  I think as moms we treat and talk to ourselves like it would.  Maybe it's just me.  I put all this pressure on myself to get it right at each moment and if I screw it up now then we are all doomed forever.

Good grief.

The other night, the kids were called down to dinner and Kate started her grumbling while she was still upstairs.  Just complaining. It continued as she came to the table.  "I don't like this, I don't like that...I want something else for supper..." yada yada yada.  Finally, I just said, "Kate.  All I have heard from you in the last 5 minutes has been nothing but complaining.  Why don't we think of something you DO like?" Okay...so then she started naming foods she liked.  "Okay. Those are yummy.  Now look around this table.  Why don't you pick someone and tell me something you love about them?" She went around and said something kind about each person.  She was happy to do it and then another kid wanted a turn too.  It was more about helping Kate turn her heart around from focusing on the negative and think about positive.  And of course everyone loved hearing someone else saying something nice about them.

I was texting back and forth with one of my closest friends a few days ago and we have this awesome relationship where we can be 100% real and authentic and there is no judging that happens.  No fluffy answers or cliche advice.  Just genuine love and transparency and Truth.  We have both been struggling in similar ways with our motherhood self-talk and we decided we had spent a lot of time naming all the ways we were failing and what if we said something we did well recently as a reminder that we are not complete failures? It was nice to toot our own horn for a second.  (She then asked me, "Can we do this everyday?!")

Sometimes the knowledge my brain has and the talk that comes from my heart don't match up. I'm sure none of you can relate. (wink, wink) But when I let the real truth seep in and take up residence, I am reminded that God is the One who reigns supreme over my children. Not me and all my good effort or massive screw-ups or achievements or failures.  Am I one to say that His grace is sufficient for all things - except in the area of my parenting? I talk to myself like I believe that sometimes.  His grace is more than enough to cover all my shortcomings.  Parenting is sanctification if it is anything at all - a transforming process to remove sin and filth to make me more like Christ.  I can do my best to lead my children to a life-giving relationship with their heavenly Father but His spirit is the one who will ultimately awaken them to walk with Him.  He is sovereign over their past, present, and future.  Not me.  No matter how hard I work.

I can rest there.