All the Things

Chores.  Homework.  Bible teaching.  Scripture.  Heart lessons.  Healthy diet.  Giving grace.  Balance of fruit and vegetables.  Life giving words.  Reading time.  Consistent discipline. Identity formation.  Praying for them.  Praying with them.  Teaching them how to pray.  Independent skills. Bike riding.  Too much TV time.  Modeling healthy habits.  Modeling ministry and service. Money management.

These are all the things that I feel like I don't do well for my kids.  Is there any aspect of parenting left for me to succeed at?

Can any of you relate?

It's exhausting.

And in all actuality: how do I really know I am not doing these well? Most of the time it is because I have looked at someone else's life - mainly in the form of social media most likely - and said, "Welp. I don't do that.  They definitely have it more together than I do." As I heard somewhere, I am comparing their highlight reel to my outtakes.  Guess who wins that competition every single time? It's not me.

Why do I do that to myself?

I have this super awesome tendency to set absurdly high expectations for myself, which I never ever meet with perfection. So in my brain: not perfect = failure.

I do not have quite that exhaustive list of "areas for improvement" running through my brain every single day.  Sometimes I am content with where the Lord has brought me and my heart rests with the fact I know I am a work in progress and that is okay.

Then there are days like today when my kids can not clean the upstairs unless I stand there like a drill sergeant and there is marker on the carpet and no one will eat their delicious and healthy supper and they argue and use unkind voices and ALL THE THINGS.  What am I doing wrong?

Do you want me to tell you, friend, that you are not doing anything wrong?  That I'm not doing anything wrong? Sorry.  Don't think it will actually encourage you and let's be honest - it's not true.  Sometimes I get it wrong.

I am doing the best I can, most of the time.  Sometimes my best is pretty and sometimes it is u-g-l-y-you-ain't-got-no-abili-ugly. Some days I am just plain lazy and I don't give my kids 100% (or anything remotely close).  But even if I did, even if I gave the most excellent effort every minute of every day, would that guarantee a good outcome?  Would that promise my children salvation and good grades and hearts full of integrity and kind spirits and a fire for Jesus that burns inside their soul and they must share Him with the world? Would that guarantee college scholarships and no teenage pregnancies and purity until marriage and they all live happily ever after?  I think as moms we treat and talk to ourselves like it would.  Maybe it's just me.  I put all this pressure on myself to get it right at each moment and if I screw it up now then we are all doomed forever.

Good grief.

The other night, the kids were called down to dinner and Kate started her grumbling while she was still upstairs.  Just complaining. It continued as she came to the table.  "I don't like this, I don't like that...I want something else for supper..." yada yada yada.  Finally, I just said, "Kate.  All I have heard from you in the last 5 minutes has been nothing but complaining.  Why don't we think of something you DO like?" Okay...so then she started naming foods she liked.  "Okay. Those are yummy.  Now look around this table.  Why don't you pick someone and tell me something you love about them?" She went around and said something kind about each person.  She was happy to do it and then another kid wanted a turn too.  It was more about helping Kate turn her heart around from focusing on the negative and think about positive.  And of course everyone loved hearing someone else saying something nice about them.

I was texting back and forth with one of my closest friends a few days ago and we have this awesome relationship where we can be 100% real and authentic and there is no judging that happens.  No fluffy answers or cliche advice.  Just genuine love and transparency and Truth.  We have both been struggling in similar ways with our motherhood self-talk and we decided we had spent a lot of time naming all the ways we were failing and what if we said something we did well recently as a reminder that we are not complete failures? It was nice to toot our own horn for a second.  (She then asked me, "Can we do this everyday?!")

Sometimes the knowledge my brain has and the talk that comes from my heart don't match up. I'm sure none of you can relate. (wink, wink) But when I let the real truth seep in and take up residence, I am reminded that God is the One who reigns supreme over my children. Not me and all my good effort or massive screw-ups or achievements or failures.  Am I one to say that His grace is sufficient for all things - except in the area of my parenting? I talk to myself like I believe that sometimes.  His grace is more than enough to cover all my shortcomings.  Parenting is sanctification if it is anything at all - a transforming process to remove sin and filth to make me more like Christ.  I can do my best to lead my children to a life-giving relationship with their heavenly Father but His spirit is the one who will ultimately awaken them to walk with Him.  He is sovereign over their past, present, and future.  Not me.  No matter how hard I work.

I can rest there.