In case you missed it, read yesterday's post. My point was simple. Kids are sponges. I am not saying they are innocent (one look at my own precious darlings will remind of sin nature from birth) but they are watching...listening...learning from the first teachers in their lives: YOU. Adults. People who ought to know better than to use "M------ F-----" around children. I mean really.
So, this post was going to be called "The Time I Met a 5 Year Old Racist" but something in me thought that was a little harsh. I also considered "The Week I Had to Have Way Too Many Life Lesson Conversations With My Kids." What about "My Brain Hurts and the World is a Scary Place?" Or, "No One is Ever Leaving This House Again." All runners-up.
I have mentioned before about a weekly bible study we have at our house for some kids in the neighborhood. Yesterday was no different. We met up at the park and the older boys and Stuart were playing football. I walked home to start supper and took my girls plus one of the little boys with me while his big brother stayed to play. This kid has been at my house every week for two straight months. He is five and just entered kindergarten. He is a relatively sweet kid.
The charter school where my big kids go is right inside our neighborhood, and my oldest daughter was pointing out that was where they go to school. Out of nowhere, this precious little guy says, "I was going to go to that school there but there are too many white people." (Yes, this kid is African-American.) I was kinda caught off guard by the statement.
"Actually, it's a pretty even mix there," I told him. Which is true. Actually, if I remember the numbers correctly, there are more black kids at the school than white kids. But it is diverse. One reason we love it.
"Well, I don't like white people," he replied. *THE WHITE PERSON HE IS HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH RAISES HER EYEBROWS.*
"Why don't you like white people?" I asked this FIVE YEAR OLD.
"Because they don't talk right."
What does that even mean?
And my peacemaking, brown-skinned 7 year old chimes in: "I like white people!" Oh bless you darling. I hope you do. Most of your family is white.
"Well, I'm not sure what skin color has to do with it. That's not a very nice thing to say," I said. Ever tried to eradicate racism from a child in two sentences? Not easy. Because he has said his peace and he has moved on to getting a weed-eater for his sixth birthday.
Because you know that is what that is, right? To not like a group of people because of their skin color? Racism. From a child.
I would bet money that this precious boy did not form an opinion about going to that school because of its racial makeup all on his own. I'm pretty sure he did not form his individualized perspective on the communication from caucasian people based on extensive conversations and life experience. No. HE HEARD IT SOMEWHERE. He learned it. I am sure of this because he said it to me - a white person - while on the way to my house where he would eat dinner, hear about Jesus, and play with my toys. It was like he didn't even realize he was actually speaking to a white person.
It made my heart sad, and similar to the day before, I wanted to have an open conversation with my big kids about what he said. Because the truth is, we are an interracial family. Some people have strong opinions about that fact and they will share those opinion whether we want them to or not. My white children will have different life experiences than my black children in this world. I want to be the one to talk about race with them, coming from a place of all people made in the image of our Creator, not some kid out there who lives around bigoted adults. (Sorry.)
Before bed last night, I brought it up to my two 5 year olds and 7 year old. I asked them if they even knew what he meant by "white people." They said NO. Y'all. My kids aren't colorblind. They are well aware they have different skin. They often use "peach skin" and "brown skin" to describe people. But it is used in context like "blonde hair" or "green eyes." Just a descriptor. I told them he meant people with peach skin.
You should have seen the sadness as the connections were made. That this boy, who is just a boy to them, would say he doesn't like people that have the same skin color as themselves or the people they love most in this world.
Spencer started crying. Ella was shocked. (Kate was probably doing somersaults somewhere. Y'all, she is in la-la land. No sweat off her brow.) Ella said, "Mom, I'm not sad because it hurts me. I'm sad because it's mean about my family."
Oh child.
We talked AGAIN about how we believe and act differently than some people. But it is important for us to keep welcoming people who don't know Jesus into our home so they can know Him too. It is the hard thing. To love others who don't love you. But God sees it and will reward us in heaven. And He is the one that can change hearts. Then Ella said, "Maybe he will realize it was mean and he will say he's sorry."
Maybe he will. Or maybe he will continue to grow learning hate. I can only pray for God to wreck this little boy's life...and all those with hate in their hearts...for His glory.
Am I angry at this kid? No. He's 5. He has no idea. But if there is one thing I am so obviously reminded of this week is how much influence we have in little people's lives. My kids, my kids' friends, neighborhood kids....all the small people that I interact with on a regular basis. I want to teach and be a model of love, grace, redemption, God loving sinners even to the smallest of bodies. Children aren't invisible. They also aren't stupid. They are going to grab hold of what the people they love most put out there. What are you putting out there? I know I'm definitely challenged to reflect on that.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Language Lesson
Well...did you think I disappeared forever? Probably not.
School is back in full swing around these parts. I have entered into a new life season: the one with one baby at home. I have never had this before. I mean, back when I first became a parent, I still had two babies at one time. Then we added two more. Then Baby Ben made his arrival and I had 4 kids at home with me full time - only one in school. But now - my twins are in kindergarten, I have a second grader, and my four year old is in full-time pre-k. So it's just me and my little buddy. How about this one kid thing. I mean - I basically just throw him in the car and we can do just about anything. And I mean as long as it's before 9 am and between 11-12:30 pm because otherwise he's napping. And life *kinda* has to revolve around a baby's nap schedule. At least if you are a control freak like me and like order in your life.
ANYWAY.
So this week has been interesting. Let's chat about that four year old for a second. If you don't know him, I do not really know how to describe him. He is his own breed. He pretty much lives with one foot in our world and one foot in a world where he wears his clothes backwards (even jeans), falls down a lot, says things that don't really make sense, asks questions over and over. It's a fun world he likes living in. I mean, language is still coming for him, even though he's been home for 2 years. So IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when I pick him up from school and as he walks to the car with his teacher he gives me a thumbs down. Okay....and his teacher says, "So, he cursed in class today."
What? (For the record - just FYI - we don't curse in our house. Like ever. Even on accident. And there are no shows or music on with cursing. No one we spend time with curses.) "What did he say?" I asked her.
"He actually said m----- f-----."
"OH NO HE DIDN'T."
Yes, yes he did.
In all my fine parenting glory (because I ain't about to be THAT MOM who sent her kid to school teaching other kids M-F) I immediately say, "He has never heard that at our house. Ever. He had to have heard that here at school. He wouldn't even know what that means."
She said she asked him if he heard that from Mommy (CAN YOU IMAGINE) and he said no. Thank goodness. I mean honestly, sometimes you don't know what he's going to say. I didn't know if I was going to laugh or cry. So I did both. It made me sad but I know he had no idea.
I assured her we would handle it and informed him he could not speak on the way home. It was now time to figure out how to discipline something that he has no idea what he said. I am serious, y'all. I'm not naive. The boy doesn't know the difference between a bagel and a donut and a cookie. He doesn't know what he said. He parroted what someone else said.
So then we handle it and later Stuart and I look at each other and he says, "Are you sure he even knows what word he is in trouble for?" So then...I go in his room (where he has been sitting on his bed awaiting further instruction because he's well aware this is serious) and I asked him where he heard the word. He described as best he could a girl at school. Then I said, "Do you even know what word you are in trouble for?" He didn't. So guess what. I had to say it. It took me three tries to even get it out.
But I was so sad. Sad that language like that is coming from children's mouths at his school. Sad that a grown up in some kid's life is using language like that and their kid is using it and saying it in her PRESCHOOL class. And my son, who is delightfully unaware most of his days, now has been exposed already to that type of language. Of all the words. Seriously.
Adults, kids are sponges. Not just for bad language. But all the things we do and say. What do we want to teach them? How to criticize themselves and laugh at others? How to huff and puff and be annoyed when we don't get our way? How to play on our phone instead of interacting in real life? To use words that lift others up or words that tear others down? Because they are listening. And watching. When we talk with our friends outside, when we chat on the phone, when we play our music in the car...all of it.
School is back in full swing around these parts. I have entered into a new life season: the one with one baby at home. I have never had this before. I mean, back when I first became a parent, I still had two babies at one time. Then we added two more. Then Baby Ben made his arrival and I had 4 kids at home with me full time - only one in school. But now - my twins are in kindergarten, I have a second grader, and my four year old is in full-time pre-k. So it's just me and my little buddy. How about this one kid thing. I mean - I basically just throw him in the car and we can do just about anything. And I mean as long as it's before 9 am and between 11-12:30 pm because otherwise he's napping. And life *kinda* has to revolve around a baby's nap schedule. At least if you are a control freak like me and like order in your life.
ANYWAY.
So this week has been interesting. Let's chat about that four year old for a second. If you don't know him, I do not really know how to describe him. He is his own breed. He pretty much lives with one foot in our world and one foot in a world where he wears his clothes backwards (even jeans), falls down a lot, says things that don't really make sense, asks questions over and over. It's a fun world he likes living in. I mean, language is still coming for him, even though he's been home for 2 years. So IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when I pick him up from school and as he walks to the car with his teacher he gives me a thumbs down. Okay....and his teacher says, "So, he cursed in class today."
What? (For the record - just FYI - we don't curse in our house. Like ever. Even on accident. And there are no shows or music on with cursing. No one we spend time with curses.) "What did he say?" I asked her.
"He actually said m----- f-----."
"OH NO HE DIDN'T."
Yes, yes he did.
In all my fine parenting glory (because I ain't about to be THAT MOM who sent her kid to school teaching other kids M-F) I immediately say, "He has never heard that at our house. Ever. He had to have heard that here at school. He wouldn't even know what that means."
She said she asked him if he heard that from Mommy (CAN YOU IMAGINE) and he said no. Thank goodness. I mean honestly, sometimes you don't know what he's going to say. I didn't know if I was going to laugh or cry. So I did both. It made me sad but I know he had no idea.
I assured her we would handle it and informed him he could not speak on the way home. It was now time to figure out how to discipline something that he has no idea what he said. I am serious, y'all. I'm not naive. The boy doesn't know the difference between a bagel and a donut and a cookie. He doesn't know what he said. He parroted what someone else said.
So then we handle it and later Stuart and I look at each other and he says, "Are you sure he even knows what word he is in trouble for?" So then...I go in his room (where he has been sitting on his bed awaiting further instruction because he's well aware this is serious) and I asked him where he heard the word. He described as best he could a girl at school. Then I said, "Do you even know what word you are in trouble for?" He didn't. So guess what. I had to say it. It took me three tries to even get it out.
But I was so sad. Sad that language like that is coming from children's mouths at his school. Sad that a grown up in some kid's life is using language like that and their kid is using it and saying it in her PRESCHOOL class. And my son, who is delightfully unaware most of his days, now has been exposed already to that type of language. Of all the words. Seriously.
Adults, kids are sponges. Not just for bad language. But all the things we do and say. What do we want to teach them? How to criticize themselves and laugh at others? How to huff and puff and be annoyed when we don't get our way? How to play on our phone instead of interacting in real life? To use words that lift others up or words that tear others down? Because they are listening. And watching. When we talk with our friends outside, when we chat on the phone, when we play our music in the car...all of it.
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